making right turns.

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I used to write a lot about the roller coaster ride that is moving overseas. How quickly you can go from feeling like a royal badass, cool and brave enough to pack up and leave the old for somewhere cooler. I mean, pretty much anywhere other than where you grew up is infinitely cooler, and having the courage to actually up and go is pretty cool. Did i mention its kinda cool?

yeah? cool.

Well luckily i’m not really on that roller coaster anymore. Its more like I’m on the 5 mph kiddie train that predictably moves around and around in the same oval, only ever making right turns. Which is nice and all, for my emotions and comfort and all that sappy jazz. But it totally opened up a new window. or door. or roof really.

Because now that I’ve been stable in this country for a while, it was time to start something new. So i decided i wanted to go back to school. Ill spare the painful details on how i got to this point, but i’m writing now having finished my first week of classes at Monash University for a masters of design by coursework.

I’ve never felt so inadequate.

I don’t have a background in design. I struggle to understand the Australian university system. Its not the same as the US i promise you that. I was under the impression i could study interior design, but now i find out i cannot. I was also corrected that interior design is indeed the exact same thing as interior architecture, which was news to me. I thought they were two completely different fields.

A professor asked me if i had a website with my portfolio. And we we pulled up my site and browsed my portfolio I felt so immature and unprofessional. I felt like my maps were something you would make in your first year of undergrad. I felt like i had no right to group myself in the same field as other students who were designing physical objects with 3D printers and making apps and drawing digital floor plans for restaurants.

I don’t know who i am or what i want to do or why I’m here

^^ i don’t think that was melodramatic enough.

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